Is this figure impossible?

Jen is scurrying about in the back fixing dinner. Yes, she is that tan, and I am that white.

So. I got in packages yesterday from Avenue and Simply Be. I got some good stuff and some that's going back, including two pairs of pants. See, I have an issue with pants. Or rather, my waist has an issue with pants. I have an hourglass figure. Think about Marilyn Monroe, Jane Russell, etc. Any pre-1960's movie-star bombshell. Big chest, small waist, big hips. Now, to get a pair of pants that fit my hips AND my waist, you would think I was asking for pants made of gold! "But, Erin, you wear pants that fit all the time." I know. And when I buy them new, they are two kinds from two companies: Denim 24/7 ponte knit bootcut pants and Avenue elastic waist poly-blend dress pants (dude, that has to be the grossest description of nice pants). Neither have pockets (not that I especially need them), and they have elastic waists. Non-elastic waists never fit. Or rather, they are way too big, and I don't feel like belting up five inches of material at my waist. I had ordered (from Avenue and Simply Be) some linen pants with elastic waists to try. But since they were not part of my ONLY PANTS THAT WILL FIT list, the hips fit, but the waists were huge. And I know I'm not the only person built like this! My sister is tiny (size 8 or so), but built on the exact same lines as me. Lots of curvy women have this same figure, but apparently plus size companies are still making (almost) all their pants for the mythical square shaped woman. This is one curvy round peg who is pissed off at the square hole.

Cardigan Shrug - Avenue
Tank - Avenue
Pants - Denim 24/7
Shoes - faux Crocs, thrifted

Thrifting? Bleah.

Warning: Rant ahead.  No happy ending, only crankiness.  Also no pictures.

Yeah, I know that several items of my wardrobe are thrifted.  But honestly, my mama brings home most of them!  As a plus-size woman (real plus-size, as in size 18 not some piddly little 12 or 14) it is DAMN hard to find cool stuff at your average thrift store.  And as for vintage?  I honestly do not have the time it would take to find vintage clothing in my size.  Last time I measured, my measurements were something like 48-38-47.  On a 5'4" body with stumpy little legs.  And I don't particularly want a vintage 70's caftan.  I'm not knocking thrifting as a whole.  As a (much smaller) teen, I got the majority of my wardrobe at thrift stores.  If you are a thrifting fanatic, next time you go, take a look in the "plus size" section.  Yes, that's the one, right there lumped in with the MATERNITY section.  Because fat people and pregnant people are EXACTLY the same.  If you live in a large city, there may be a decent selection.  But, I live in the mountains of Virginia.  Southwestern Virginia, at the foot pretty much of the Appalachian Mountains.  Not exactly a fashion mecca!  And as we know, I'm much too cheap to buy super nice stuff anyway!  So, I live on sale items from various big box stores.  I'm growing increasingly unhappy with it, but my job situation and basic thriftiness preclude me running up huge charges on my credit card.

EDIT: There is a happy ending!  See my next post!